it is so <easy> to <fall / trip> into <complacency> or out of <good> habits when <i> am <stressed / anxious / angry>. <i> am <proud? of <myself> that this <time> <i> didn’t <fall off> of <my> cleaning and meal prep habits; cannot <afford> to <buying> lunch when <money> might be <tight> <soon> and <clean> spaces are something within <my> <control>. But <writing> is <harder> habit for <me> to <keep up> with when <struggling>.
but <here> (<i> <think>) <i> <am>. <reviewing> proofs, <writing> handouts, and scheduling trainings and trainers, <pretending> that <we> all <might not> be continuing <our> work come September.
<i> asked <my> favorite tarot deck (The Cyber Deck: tarot for the future; a deck <i> <found> at a thrift store in a cassette tape case) for <general> <advice> and <pulled> manacles (<suggesting> unfair actions and time to break old habits and start new things to avoid <feeling> trapped), peacemaker (which, <interestingly>, reads as destruction of all that matters and broken dreams–though perhaps overstated), and the hanged man in reverse (<he> speaks of sacrifice, the influence of society, and a need for purpose and inward searching when viewed as though <he> were upright).
<foreboding>, surely. but there is also <comfort> in being <reassured> that <living> is <hard> and the <uncaring> <we> have <allowed> to be <in charge> are making things worse. (<i> am certain about that worse, it is not <under erasure>.)
<purpose> and <lives> will have to <shift> for <survival>. And it will be <hard>. and while <watching> Andor last night, <i> was <reminded> that those who do <care> and <hold> some power will also have to make <hard> choices. Rebellion against empire is not without sacrifice.
Do Androids Dream of Dick? Writings of a Queer Posthumanist 