Do Androids Dream of Dick? Writings of a Queer Posthumanist

Poetry, Scholarship, & Musings

Tag: writing

  • Happy Birthday Mary Wollsontecraft Shelley!

    <i> am taking some <pto> and tryng to stay off <screens>. But <i> <wanted> to <inform / remind> folks that today is Mary Wollsontecraft Shelley’s birthday. (note, <i> always <try> to include the dual last names out of <respect/ reverence> for her <lineage>.)

    <i> did a <reading / ritual> for her <using> one of <my> <favorite / beloveded> decks (Tarotbot black) as her <work / writing> <trailblazed> <unhuman> <narratives>, <creating> <space> for the <science fiction> <we> are familiar with today.

    it <felt> <appropriate>, the victorians <loved> the occult and there is an <interesting> <correlation/ inclusion> of <spirituality> in <science fiction> that <feels> partly like the <offspring> of the <emergence> of the <genre> and the victorian <fascination> with the occult.

    Tonight, in veneration, <my partner> and <i> will <brew> some chai and start Alien:Earth. RIP Mary, you would have loved androids.

  • Disposable

    <I> didn’t put that <word> <under erasure> because <i> <know> that’s how <i> <feel>. <i> have been <informed> that <i> can keep <working> until november, but there’s no <budget> for <my> role after that. <funny> (not haha) how even at a small <non-profit> the c-suites can travel to rome on the org’s <dime> for a <conference> and <earn> 100k more than their <employees>, but <we> have to be <cut>.

    the capitalist structures <we> <live under> do not help the disposability <i> frequently <feel>. the <hopes> that when <i> <leave>, someone will stay <in touch> are <always> <killed off> by lack of texts back and <deferred> plans to meet up. <i> am somehow always <filling>; impossible to miss when <i> am there, but <my> <absence> doesn’t seem to <matter>.

    <i> <wrote> a line in an almost <love> <poem> once. it goes: “i don’t want to be seen; / i need to be felt”. it <speaks> to <my> disposability, the way <i> get <told> <i> do <good work> and that <my> <contributions> are <greatly appreciated>; when <i> am <physically> <visible> and <helping> there is <appreciation>. But <i> don’t <think / believe> <i> am <felt> in most spaces. at least not in a manner that <creates> a <void> sensation when <i> am <gone / absent>.

    is <this> a <failure> of <me> or <others>?

  • <finding> motivation

    it is so <easy> to <fall / trip> into <complacency> or out of <good> habits when <i> am <stressed / anxious / angry>. <i> am <proud? of <myself> that this <time> <i> didn’t <fall off> of <my> cleaning and meal prep habits; cannot <afford> to <buying> lunch when <money> might be <tight> <soon> and <clean> spaces are something within <my> <control>. But <writing> is <harder> habit for <me> to <keep up> with when <struggling>.

    but <here> (<i> <think>) <i> <am>. <reviewing> proofs, <writing> handouts, and scheduling trainings and trainers, <pretending> that <we> all <might not> be continuing <our> work come September.

    <i> asked <my> favorite tarot deck (The Cyber Deck: tarot for the future; a deck <i> <found> at a thrift store in a cassette tape case) for <general> <advice> and <pulled> manacles (<suggesting> unfair actions and time to break old habits and start new things to avoid <feeling> trapped), peacemaker (which, <interestingly>, reads as destruction of all that matters and broken dreams–though perhaps overstated), and the hanged man in reverse (<he> speaks of sacrifice, the influence of society, and a need for purpose and inward searching when viewed as though <he> were upright).

    <foreboding>, surely. but there is also <comfort> in being <reassured> that <living> is <hard> and the <uncaring> <we> have <allowed> to be <in charge> are making things worse. (<i> am certain about that worse, it is not <under erasure>.)

    <purpose> and <lives> will have to <shift> for <survival>. And it will be <hard>. and while <watching> Andor last night, <i> was <reminded> that those who do <care> and <hold> some power will also have to make <hard> choices. Rebellion against empire is not without sacrifice.

  • July reading wrap-up

    well, it was an <unsuccessful / low quantity> <reading> month. something about july makes it an <unusually> <difficult> mental <health> month for <me>. <i> call it <my> <summertime blues>.

    <i> did get <overwhelmed> by <my> library request arriving all within a week <despite> <me> placing the hold spaced out with the <hope> that would <trickle in>. there is <something> to be <said> about <neurodivergence> and too many <choices> causing <decision making <dysfunction>>.

    but <enough> about <my> <summertime blues>, what about the <books>. <my>, albeit <unfinished> <favorite> this month was “dungeon crawler carl.” <i> had to return it to the library about <three quarters> of the way through, because holy crap is this <book> <in demand>. <i> wound up <purchasing> a <used <copy>> of the hardback with the <new> covers to <finish> it. Princess donut is the <only> monarch <i> <love>.

    “skin” and “holy Lacrimony” both had <very different> but stunning art styles. “holy lacrimony’s” exploration of <human> <emotions> through <psychedelic> <alien> art <captures / depicts> <depression / sadness> in a manner both <familiar> and <uneasy>. “skin” has a <lovely> sketch book <inspired> <style> that still manages to <convey> two whole <worlds> of <emotion> as it <follows> the <similar yet different> lives of two women decades <apart>. one of <my> <favorite> <stylistic> choices in the <book> is the way that drawn panels are often <foregone> in favor of sketching out the <characters> in stages <across> the mise-en-scène (<think> Picasso’s “nude descending a staircase”).

    and <of course> there is a <soft spot> in <my <heart>> for “life drawing.” Xaime hernandez is <my> <favorite> of the brothers both for his <style> and <stories>. <i> <adore> maggie and hopey, and <watching> them <become> middle aged is <bittersweet>. “life drawing’s” <main> characters are a <new>, <younger> group of girls, but just like <real life>, these girls are <going through> all the <same> range of <experiences> and <emotions> as maggie and hopey did. if <i> am not mistaken, the last chapter of “life drawing” even <reproduces> panels from an earlier “love and rockets” with tonta and her friends. even though <time> ticks on, <we> are <bound> <together> through <sharing> the <experiences> that <create / forge> <us>.

    for august <i> have already started with “the Kakogawa food detectives” and am <looking forward> to the new Alison Bechdel.

  • it’s a <pleasure> to <cut out>

    Daily writing prompt
    Describe one habit that brings you joy.
    View all responses

    (the angle brackets don’t <appear> on the <daily prompt> page and it <delights> <me>. <visual erasure> for the <un-aesthetic> page where the replies appear.)

    This is not the <cutting out> that brings <me> <pleasure / joy>, however. rather, <i> am <thinking> about the <delight / excitement> that come from <purchasing> some 50¢ magazines from the library <store>, settling down with a <sharp> pair of scissors, and <cutting out> the <words / images / textures> that <feel> <good / interesting>.

    This isn’t <simply> <cutting out> just to <cut out>. <i> <enjoy> collage(is <enjoying> the same as being <brought joy>?), so the <goal> is to have a stockpile of <images> to <play> with when <assembling>. <sometimes> the <cutting out> will <inspire> a <tone / vibe / piece> and <other times> <i> am <hunting / searching> for <matching / complimentary / contrasting> <images> to an <idea / whim> <i> already have. Either way, the <process> is <meditative>. <i> just start <cutting> so <i> can begin to <visualize> the section in <isolation> from the <sum of its parts> and will allow that to decide the shape of the <cut>–<rounded or sharp> edges, <close cut, slight environmental highlight, or more background>? it’s <working / feeling out> the pages, having a <conversation / dialogue> with dozens of <artists / writers / typographers / photographers>.

    it’s sometimes more <meditative> than savasana at the end of a yoga session (especially when youtube keeps auto playing shark tale after the yoga video when <i> just want to lay in <silence> for a moment). Give it a go; <cut / collect> some <images> and <paste> them into something <new>!

  • why do <you> <write> like that?

    Depends on what is <meant / intended> by “like that.” as a visual <poet> and zine <creator>, <i> <wanted / desired> a visual way to convey <uncertainty / impreciseness> in <my> <writing>. the <written> word is a beautifully imperfect way of <communicating> that <asks / requires> the <writer> to constantly be making language choices. and these choices are frequently never <perfect>. <communication can never be perfect>.

    <i> was <inspired> by a few different <philosophers / artists> to use angle brackets to <visualize / convey> uncertainty. like a good little grad school <student>, <i> read <theory>, lots and lots of <theory>. and <i> had a <<post> structuralist / deconstructionist> phase, which included plenty of Derrida and a desire for the <pursuit> of <creative> <writing> that could <visualize / verbalize> “sous rature” in <interesting / narratively productive> ways. Derrida (and yes, Heidegger is the <primary> source for this, but <i> have yet to locate a <desire> to <read> Heidegger) would <visualize> this in his own <writing> for <signifiers / words> that he <felt / believed> were “inadequate yet necessary” by <striking through / placing under erasure> the <inadequately necessary> words. <i> have <chosen / selected> the angle bracket for <my> own form of marking <erasure>. it is not a <form> of <writing> <i> always <employ / use>; <obviously> <i> don’t write like this in day-to-day correspondence and in the materials <i> create for work, and <poetry> that <i> want to send out for publication takes on a more <normal> structure. but blog posts and zines are a <adequate / appropriate> medium for <writing> in this experiential style.

    it’s also a way <i> used to express <my> own self uncertainty. <i> even wrote a zine about placing <myself> <under erasure>.

    but what about the forward slash in-between the bracketed words sometimes? <my> utilization of this was <inspired / provoked> by the translation of the board in control. in control the board is the <inter / intra> dimensional entity that the director of the federal bureau of control <answers to / get help from>. this / these entities are <incomprehensible> visually and auditorily. when they are speaking to Jessie in the game, their <garble> is translated in subtitles. But much in the way that derrida <writes> about words <containing / encompassing> both the <curse> and the <cure>, many of the phrases and words that are <translated> from the board <translate> into uncertainty which is <visualized / verbalized> in the subtitles by <displaying / offering> the <duplicating> meanings with forward slashes between them. and everything the board says is under <erasure> by already being an <interpretation> as all <translation> is, and this is <written / visualize> via the use of angle brackets. <i> don’t use it in <exactly> the same way, but <i> enjoy the <visualization> and slightly more <precision> of <visually> displaying the <words> <i> was deciding amongst, <folding / including> the multitude of <meaning> hiding in all <language>.

    there is also the additional <bonus> of <odd / funky> formatting <disrupting / disturbing> the scraping of <ai / algorithmic <<re>production>>.