Poetry, Scholarship, & Musings
it was <inevitable> that the feds’ <actions> would effect <my> <job>. 16% of <our> <employees> are going to be laid off (or vacant spots won’t be filled) because <our> state <cut back> <funding> in attempt to <appease> the fascists <bulldozing> <our> country. <my> <job> status is tbd. but even <worse>, the vulnerable population <we> serve are going to have their services cut.
so here is an <angry> <not-a-zine>, <not-and-art>.
well, it was an <unsuccessful / low quantity> <reading> month. something about july makes it an <unusually> <difficult> mental <health> month for <me>. <i> call it <my> <summertime blues>.
<i> did get <overwhelmed> by <my> library request arriving all within a week <despite> <me> placing the hold spaced out with the <hope> that would <trickle in>. there is <something> to be <said> about <neurodivergence> and too many <choices> causing <decision making <dysfunction>>.
but <enough> about <my> <summertime blues>, what about the <books>. <my>, albeit <unfinished> <favorite> this month was “dungeon crawler carl.” <i> had to return it to the library about <three quarters> of the way through, because holy crap is this <book> <in demand>. <i> wound up <purchasing> a <used <copy>> of the hardback with the <new> covers to <finish> it. Princess donut is the <only> monarch <i> <love>.
“skin” and “holy Lacrimony” both had <very different> but stunning art styles. “holy lacrimony’s” exploration of <human> <emotions> through <psychedelic> <alien> art <captures / depicts> <depression / sadness> in a manner both <familiar> and <uneasy>. “skin” has a <lovely> sketch book <inspired> <style> that still manages to <convey> two whole <worlds> of <emotion> as it <follows> the <similar yet different> lives of two women decades <apart>. one of <my> <favorite> <stylistic> choices in the <book> is the way that drawn panels are often <foregone> in favor of sketching out the <characters> in stages <across> the mise-en-scène (<think> Picasso’s “nude descending a staircase”).
and <of course> there is a <soft spot> in <my <heart>> for “life drawing.” Xaime hernandez is <my> <favorite> of the brothers both for his <style> and <stories>. <i> <adore> maggie and hopey, and <watching> them <become> middle aged is <bittersweet>. “life drawing’s” <main> characters are a <new>, <younger> group of girls, but just like <real life>, these girls are <going through> all the <same> range of <experiences> and <emotions> as maggie and hopey did. if <i> am not mistaken, the last chapter of “life drawing” even <reproduces> panels from an earlier “love and rockets” with tonta and her friends. even though <time> ticks on, <we> are <bound> <together> through <sharing> the <experiences> that <create / forge> <us>.
for august <i> have already started with “the Kakogawa food detectives” and am <looking forward> to the new Alison Bechdel.
(the angle brackets don’t <appear> on the <daily prompt> page and it <delights> <me>. <visual erasure> for the <un-aesthetic> page where the replies appear.)
This is not the <cutting out> that brings <me> <pleasure / joy>, however. rather, <i> am <thinking> about the <delight / excitement> that come from <purchasing> some 50¢ magazines from the library <store>, settling down with a <sharp> pair of scissors, and <cutting out> the <words / images / textures> that <feel> <good / interesting>.
This isn’t <simply> <cutting out> just to <cut out>. <i> <enjoy> collage(is <enjoying> the same as being <brought joy>?), so the <goal> is to have a stockpile of <images> to <play> with when <assembling>. <sometimes> the <cutting out> will <inspire> a <tone / vibe / piece> and <other times> <i> am <hunting / searching> for <matching / complimentary / contrasting> <images> to an <idea / whim> <i> already have. Either way, the <process> is <meditative>. <i> just start <cutting> so <i> can begin to <visualize> the section in <isolation> from the <sum of its parts> and will allow that to decide the shape of the <cut>–<rounded or sharp> edges, <close cut, slight environmental highlight, or more background>? it’s <working / feeling out> the pages, having a <conversation / dialogue> with dozens of <artists / writers / typographers / photographers>.
it’s sometimes more <meditative> than savasana at the end of a yoga session (especially when youtube keeps auto playing shark tale after the yoga video when <i> just want to lay in <silence> for a moment). Give it a go; <cut / collect> some <images> and <paste> them into something <new>!
Depends on what is <meant / intended> by “like that.” as a visual <poet> and zine <creator>, <i> <wanted / desired> a visual way to convey <uncertainty / impreciseness> in <my> <writing>. the <written> word is a beautifully imperfect way of <communicating> that <asks / requires> the <writer> to constantly be making language choices. and these choices are frequently never <perfect>. <communication can never be perfect>.
<i> was <inspired> by a few different <philosophers / artists> to use angle brackets to <visualize / convey> uncertainty. like a good little grad school <student>, <i> read <theory>, lots and lots of <theory>. and <i> had a <<post> structuralist / deconstructionist> phase, which included plenty of Derrida and a desire for the <pursuit> of <creative> <writing> that could <visualize / verbalize> “sous rature” in <interesting / narratively productive> ways. Derrida (and yes, Heidegger is the <primary> source for this, but <i> have yet to locate a <desire> to <read> Heidegger) would <visualize> this in his own <writing> for <signifiers / words> that he <felt / believed> were “inadequate yet necessary” by <striking through / placing under erasure> the <inadequately necessary> words. <i> have <chosen / selected> the angle bracket for <my> own form of marking <erasure>. it is not a <form> of <writing> <i> always <employ / use>; <obviously> <i> don’t write like this in day-to-day correspondence and in the materials <i> create for work, and <poetry> that <i> want to send out for publication takes on a more <normal> structure. but blog posts and zines are a <adequate / appropriate> medium for <writing> in this experiential style.
it’s also a way <i> used to express <my> own self uncertainty. <i> even wrote a zine about placing <myself> <under erasure>.
but what about the forward slash in-between the bracketed words sometimes? <my> utilization of this was <inspired / provoked> by the translation of the board in control. in control the board is the <inter / intra> dimensional entity that the director of the federal bureau of control <answers to / get help from>. this / these entities are <incomprehensible> visually and auditorily. when they are speaking to Jessie in the game, their <garble> is translated in subtitles. But much in the way that derrida <writes> about words <containing / encompassing> both the <curse> and the <cure>, many of the phrases and words that are <translated> from the board <translate> into uncertainty which is <visualized / verbalized> in the subtitles by <displaying / offering> the <duplicating> meanings with forward slashes between them. and everything the board says is under <erasure> by already being an <interpretation> as all <translation> is, and this is <written / visualize> via the use of angle brackets. <i> don’t use it in <exactly> the same way, but <i> enjoy the <visualization> and slightly more <precision> of <visually> displaying the <words> <i> was deciding amongst, <folding / including> the multitude of <meaning> hiding in all <language>.
there is also the additional <bonus> of <odd / funky> formatting <disrupting / disturbing> the scraping of <ai / algorithmic <<re>production>>.
Do Androids Dream of Dick? Writings of a Queer Posthumanist 